I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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