I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
