honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
