you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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