those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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