My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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