My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
