based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
