You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
