3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
