you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
