she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
