You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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