He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
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Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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