Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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