I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
