There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
