Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
