Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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