sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
