it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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