So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
