He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
tell me about the eggs
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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