Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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