i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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