It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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