I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
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every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
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Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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