Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
