I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
