Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
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She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
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A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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