Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i permit you to call me
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
