I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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