I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
