I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
