every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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