Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
