3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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