does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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