I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
