Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
