My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
