Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
