I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
