Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
