yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
