Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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