just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
