Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
