i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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