dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
