ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
