tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
