There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
