I have demons in me.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
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This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
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If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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