I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
