I just pynch a tree in the face
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
