This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The Olympian is in my bed
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
