god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
