I must be too annoying 4 u.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
