I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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