I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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