he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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