sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
