every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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