the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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