one might say we're banned from that church
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
