I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
