Can i not drive my cunt home
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
