True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
