Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
as a side note pls kill me
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize