Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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