Kiss
Puke
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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