Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
