If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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