i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just had sex bonerless
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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