sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
