Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
