Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
