i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Text me some of your sweat
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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