im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
this is an emotional support booty call
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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