You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
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I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
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It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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