I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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