Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
