please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
